dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
