I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
