Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
