please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
