I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize