She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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