god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
