at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
