he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
