We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
