Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
