Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
