i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he was CRYING into my vagina
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
