I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
