The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
