I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize