Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
