talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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