Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
