yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
third nipple confirmed
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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