Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
