I should be sponsored by Trojan
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You are a genius and a whore.
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