oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
