are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
