I wannas sexs uuuuu
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
