Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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