How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
