apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
