he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
