Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
