His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
