literally had 100 drinks last night.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
