I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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