I just pynch a tree in the face
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
