i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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