the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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