thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
