who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
