I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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