Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
