I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
