what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
