Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
