Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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