Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
