Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
