:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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