ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Randomize
