I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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