Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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