Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
