i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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