i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
