She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
