Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
