if i can run in heels then i can drive
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
