I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
