we have officially lost it.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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