So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
