Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Screwed.edu
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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