I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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