Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
