i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
