Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
