he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
