Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
