I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize