i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
