Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
