its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
