how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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