bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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