my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
