I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
