Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
